Trade Show Guru

Based on the response (a good number of comments!) to my last post about blogging regularity (and because I sometimes don’t have much to say about trade shows, which is why I already have my random stuff category), I decided to add a new category called blogging (hopefully, I’ll write more posts for it than I have so for my movies category). And the first (well, second) post for my new blogging category is about generic spam comments. I’m guessing that you agree with me and hate comment spam and the spamming zombies that leave them. Because the Trade Show Guru is protected by Bad Behavior and Akismet (and a ruthless moderator – me), I don’t get very much comment spam (and what I do get is deleted with a click of the mouse). But I do see what I think is comment spam on some other blogs that I read, and it bugs me. I only read blogs that are of interest to me, and only comment when I think I can add something of value to the conversation or at least of interest to the blogger. So when I take the time to make a thoughtful (or at least humorous, or at least I think humorous) comment, it makes me a little angry to see a spammer make an inane spammy comment that ends up on the same page as my comment, sullying and defiling my brilliant little bit of prose…

The comment spam that really bugs me is the sophisticated “generic comment.” These blogging zombie spammers have moved past the easy to spot “nice post” or “thanks for the post” comment to stuff like this:
Author: Romasha
Comment: Thanks it is a good idea!

OK, maybe that one is pretty easy to spot, but how about this one…

Author: damien
Comment: I like your layout. Have your web guy hit me up.

If you google the author name and the comment in quotes like this: [ damien “I like your layout. Have your web guy hit me up.” ], you’ll see Google lists 293 results.

Do you really think damien liked the layout on 293 different blogs and just happened to type the exact same word-for-word comment on each one? I think damien should change his name to “devious damien, a spamming zombie”…

Anyway, generic comment spam bugs me, but I decided to try to see the humor it is and have a contest, so feel free to “spam” my blog (on this post only) and maybe, just maybe, you’ll win a FREE high-quality link. I want you to put on your “spammer hat” and write a GOOD generic comment. The purpose is to show how devious you are. You need to write a generic, one-size-fits-all-blogs comment that is NOT obvious and would not be deleted. Think devious! Your generic comment needs to seem to apply to just about everything, so the unsuspecting blog won’t know it is just a generic spam comment.

But, and this is important… after your generic comment, you need to show you actually read this post by writing, “I love [your keywords here].” (note: just write your keywords, do NOT make them a link!) This is where the contest comes in and the fun begins. I’ll pick the best generic spam comment and then write a post titled: I Love [your keywords]! And in the post I’ll include a free link for your blog or website with your keywords as the anchor text (which are in the title as well).

For example, you could write your generic comment and then write, “I love eating vegetables” (remember, just write the phrase and do NOT make it a link). If you have the best generic comment and are chosen as the winner, I’ll write a post called “I Love Eating Vegetables” and somewhere in the post I’ll put the link eating vegetables. Make sense?

There are a few rules:
1. I am the judge and jury. The rules may change. This is my blog.
2. You must follow my comment policy.
3. Your keywords and website must be something that I would feel comfortable linking to.
Acceptable keywords for example would be coffee, scented candles, and beer for rednecks. This is because I would be comfortable writing posts called: I love coffee, I love scented candles, and I love beer for rednecks.
Unacceptable keywords for example would be Gucci handbags or payday loans, because I have no love for Gucci handbags or payday loans.
4. I have no idea when I will chose a winner and write a post for the winner. Remember I have a problem with my blogging regularity.
5. When in doubt, see rule 1.

So there you go. Put on your “spammer hat” and write your best generic spam comment (and include the statement ‘I love ~’ at the end). Remember the point is not to write the WORST generic comment, such as “I like your blog,” but a tricky comment that would apply to just about any post about anything, and does NOT seem to be generic or spammy. The comment should be able to fool the vast majority of blog moderators. Show us how clever you are! Spam away! And maybe win a FREE LINK!

UPDATE (7/8/09): The Rules have Changed

Yes, I’m changing the rules. If you have an issue with that, see Rule #5 above. I realized that a real spammer might get past my Bad Behavior and Akismet firewalls and might find these “sophisticated generic comments” that you, my faithful readers, leave, and said spammer might use them for nefarious reasons. I don’t wish to contribute to that, so I’m changing the contest. Instead of your BEST sophisticated generic comment, leave your WORST / DUMBEST / STUPIDEST (but not vulgar) generic comment. And remember to follow the rules (how hard is that?).

So far it looks like Will the organic gopher killer and Mitch the prolific writing gladiator are tied… well, actually Will didn’t follow the rules and include a statement of what he loves so that puts Mitch the prolific writing gladiator in the lead!