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two quick jokes

March 23rd, 2009 · 6 Comments · Random Stuff

This is another filler post. I don’t have any new trade show wisdom to share this week, but if you need a trade show marketing fix you can read about trade show zombies, trade show giveaway pens, or green trade show displays. So for this week, it’s just filler, but at least it’s funny filler (at least I think so). I hope if I can’t make you laugh, at least I can get you to crack a teensy weensy smile. Last week’s filler post was a funny video. This week’s filler post is two quick jokes and a few one liners. So without further adieu.

Joke #1 – The Dentist
A patient has a tooth ache and goes to his dentist.
Dentist: Your tooth is infected and we need to extract it.
Patient: How much will it cost?
Dentist: Five hundred dollars.
Patient: What? Five hundred dollars for 10 minutes of work?
Dentist: Well, if you like, I can pull it out really slow!

Joke #2 – Forgetful
A husband and wife have just left their house to go camping.
Wife: We need to turn the car around and go back! I forgot to turn off the gas stove and it might burn down our house!
Husband: Don’t worry. It’s okay. Our house won’t burn down. I forgot to turn off the shower.

One liners:

Just when you think you’ve won the rat race along come faster rats.

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.

Keep honking, I’m reloading.

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

i souport publik edekashun.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.


6 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Tarheel Rambler // Mar 23, 2009 at 7:18 pm

    I’m adopting that last one as my personal motto. There are weeks where all I ever come into contact with at work is idiots. And on the roads around here too.

  • 2 The Trade Show Guru // Mar 23, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    Hey Lee,
    Thanks for dropping by. It seems some days that I run into more than my share of idiots, though sometimes, I suspect I may be that idiot myself… ~ Steve

  • 3 Tim // Mar 27, 2009 at 12:18 am

    “If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.”
    There is a fact, not a joke at all 🙂
    Imagine all the info that we take for granted to be true right now, and how ‘quaint” it will seem in about twenty years!

  • 4 The Trade Show Guru // Mar 28, 2009 at 9:59 am

    You are so right. I’m sure by the time I learn how to text and twitter there will be something else better and cooler, so it excuses my procrastination! ~ Steve, non-text’er and non-twit

  • 5 Will // Mar 28, 2009 at 4:45 pm

    Good ones! Here is a gardening joke I found as I am in that mode big time now that it is spring.

    A farmer bought an old, abandoned farm. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling down, and the fences were broken to pieces. Soon the town preacher stops by to welcome the man, saying, “May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!” A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it’s a completely different place. The farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. “Amazing!” the preacher says. “Look what God and you have accomplished together!” “Yes, reverend,” says the farmer, “but just remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!”

  • 6 The Trade Show Guru // Mar 30, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    hey Will,
    Thanks for the great joke! You’ll see I liked it so much that I used it to end this week’s post. Thanks! ~ Steve

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