Gardening: I’ve got a sore back. Last week the weather got nice and I decide to prep the garden for planting. This involved deciding to take out an awesome tomato plant from last year that had given us a half dozen of so red tomatoes in February but didn’t look like it would do a lot more, and lots of digging and mixing (hence the sore back). I also decided to start some seeds for transplanting later. In the past we’ve gotten seedlings, but I thought this year it would be fun to plant some seeds with the kids. We planted mainly several types of tomatoes (the most important garden vegetable and what must be planted every year), plus zucchinis, cucumbers, carrots, and several things the kids picked out.  We’ll see what happens, and how we do with snails this year.

Zip lines: I’m on about the fourth generation of zip line in the back yard. The first design used nylon rope, which ended up stretching and sagging way too much. The second generation switched to steel wire, but the hardware wasn’t beefy enough and needed to be upgraded. The third design focused on finding a faster (bigger diameter) pulley. The fourth and current design revision was to replace the handle one hung from by ones hands with a seat to sit on. I think the zip line is almost perfect now, but I’ve got to find a better way to slow kids down at the end. I’ve currently got a few tennis balls threaded on the wire that need to be moved each time, but I think a spring might work better.

Tadpoles: We were at a friends house recently and heard frogs nearby, so this weekend I decided to take the kids to a local creek in search of tadpoles. We found them… lot of them. I wasn’t planning on it, but we brought some home. It was supposed to just be for a day, but now maybe we’ll keep them until they turn into frogs… if they make it.

Well, I think these are three pretty good excuses for not having written a trade show related post. But you may have noticed the title of this post, and you may be wondering what God has to do with any of this. Well, Will over at his Healthy Living blog left a great comment last week with a joke about gardening and God, and I thought I’d close this (rambling) post with it:

A farmer bought an old, abandoned farm. The fields were grown over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling down, and the fences were broken to pieces. Soon the town preacher stops by to welcome the man, saying, “May you and God work together to make this the farm of your dreams!” A few months later, the preacher stops by again to call on the farmer. Lo and behold, it’s a completely different place. The farm house is completely rebuilt and in excellent condition, there is plenty of cattle and other livestock happily munching on feed in well-fenced pens, and the fields are filled with crops planted in neat rows. “Amazing!” the preacher says. “Look what God and you have accomplished together!” “Yes, reverend,” says the farmer, “but just remember what the farm was like when God was working it alone!”

Now I know many parents think their kids are geniuses, hence a company named “Baby Einstein” makes a lot of money off of these vain folk. I’m not claiming my kids are geniuses, just smart, and this is why. This weekend we went out for lunch, in part to do our part to stimulate the economy.  We had lunch at Chipotle, a great place for good, tasty burritos at a reasonable price (I’m trying to stimulate the economy, not single-handedly support it). Anyway, after the burritos, I decided to splurge and surprise my four year old son and six year old daughter with ice cream. Being the big spender that I am, we bypassed Ben and Jerry’s and went into Rite Aid (formerly a Thrifty’s drug store). They have an ice cream counter where you can get a scoop for 89 cents, I think. As an aside, does anyone else remember when you could get a scoop of ice cream at Thrifty’s for a nickle, or was is a dime? And why does Thrifty’s smell funny? Well, back to the ice cream. I don’t get ice cream for myself, because I weigh more than enough as it is. But I do enjoy taking a bite or two (or three or four) from each of my kids’ ice cream cones. Usually my son will get strawberry or mint chip, and my daughter will get chocolate chip or cookies-and-cream. Well, this time they saw “cotton candy” ice cream that was glow-in-the-dark blue and pink. Both of them asked for it. I recognized immediately that I wouldn’t want to eat any of it, and tried hard to convince them to get something else. They held firm, and got the cotton candy ice cream. I did try a lick. It did taste like cotton candy, and I had no more. So I’m wondering, did they really want it, or did they recognize that by getting that obnoxiously colored and flavored concoction that they’d be able to eat ALL of their ice cream without Dad taking his “cut.” I think the later. Hence I think my kids are smart.

This event got me thinking… my kids picked a flavor of ice cream that I didn’t want, and they didn’t have to share. This realization then got me to further thinking of cockle shells. You see, it seems like the Federal Government is bailing out everybody but me. Well, me and the other responsible people in this country who don’t believe in buying things we can’t afford or loaning money to people who can’t pay it back, and those of us who had parents that taught us to recognize a Ponzie scheme when we saw on, and that if something sounded too good to be true it probably was, that there is no free lunch, and that risk offers both rewards and consequences… Well, as I said, I’m not getting bailed out. I also know that money doesn’t grow on trees, and in the long run I’ll be paying more in taxes because of this. And that got me to thinking. When I get paid in dollars, the government takes part of it. Maybe that’s my problem, dollars. Maybe like my kids, I need to find the equivalent of cotton candy ice cream to get paid in. And then it hit me… cockle shells. I think I need to get paid in cockleshells. Do you really thing that Washington is going to take a percentage of my cockle shells? Now I just need to see if I can pay for the ice cream at Rite Aid with my cockle shells.

By the way, my kids may be smart, but if you want to see a cute baby, check out Baby Jaiden.

UPDATE: I was doing a quick Google search for “cockle shells” to see if it was one word (cockleshells) or two words (cockle shells) and saw on the Google results page the snippet, “The ‘cockleshells’ were believed to be instruments of torture which were…”

This Google snippet was referring to the origins of the nursery rhyme, “Mary Mary Quite Contrary“, which is where I believe I originally learned the term “cockle shells”. For those unfamiliar with “Mary Mary Quite Contrary”, it goes like this:

Mary Mary quite contrary,
How does your garden grow?
With silver bells and cockle shells
And pretty maids all in a row.

Anyway, I could not resist and clicked through to read more about cockleshells being torture devices. This is what I read:

The origins are steeped in history… Bloody Mary!
The Mary alluded to in this traditional English nursery rhyme is reputed to be Mary Tudor, or Bloody Mary, who was the daughter of King Henry VIII. Queen Mary was a staunch Catholic and the garden referred to is an allusion to graveyards which were increasing in size with those who dared to continue to adhere to the Protestant faith – Protestant martyrs.

Instruments of Torture!
The silver bells and cockle shells referred to in the Nursery Rhyme were colloquialisms for instruments of torture. The ’silver bells’ were thumbscrews which crushed the thumb between two hard surfaces by the tightening of a screw. The ‘cockleshells’ were believed to be instruments of torture which were attached to the genitals!

The ” Maids” or Maiden was the original guillotine!

The ‘maids’ were a device to behead people called the Maiden. Beheading a victim was fraught with problems. It could take up to 11 blows to actually sever the head, the victim often resisted and had to be chased around the scaffold. Margaret Pole (1473 – 1541), Countess of Salisbury did not go willingly to her death and had to be chased and hacked at by the Executioner. These problems led to the invention of a mechanical instrument (now known as the guillotine) called the Maiden – shortened to Maids in the Mary Mary Nursery Rhyme. The Maiden had long been in use in England before Lord Morton, regent of Scotland during the minority of James VI, had a copy constructed from the Maiden which had been used in Halifax in Yorkshire. Ironically, Lord Morton fell from favor and was the first to experience the Maiden in Scotland!

~ source: http://www.rhymes.org.uk/mary_mary_quite_contrary.htm

Well, I guess one learns something new every day. I don’t plan on explaining this nursery rhyme to my kids anytime soon though… Instead I’ll just take my smart kids to get cotton candy ice cream and I’ll see if Rite Aid will accept my cockle shells for payment.

I’m what is often referred to as a mean dad. To put it another way, I am a parent. I am the law. I think you get the picture. I believe in the same methods for disciplining children that Lin at Telling It Like It Is describes so well in her post, How to Discipline Children. Her blog was the first place I read of the term “mean mom“, and then realized that I’m a mean dad. But that’s the way I was raised, and it worked, and I figure if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. To me, there are no secrets to raising good kids, you just need to be a parent, and that means saying no. Children aren’t perfect, they will make “mistakes“, and sometimes you will need to discipline your children. All this said, I am always open to new ideas, and I recently read about a new kinder, gentler method of how to discipline your children which I want to share with you.

A Better Way to Discipline your Children

In a nutshell, the idea is really brilliantly simple. When your child gets in trouble, instead of being a mean parent and spanking them, or being an enlightened parent and giving them a time out, or being their friend and and/or trying to figure out how you are to blame for their behavior, this new discipline method is to go for a car ride and talk to them. Yes, it’s just that simple. Go for a drive and TALK with your child.

From what I read about this revolutionary method of simply taking your child for a car ride and talking to them, this method is EXTREMELY EFFECTIVE. After the car ride, children seem to really calm down and stop their bad behavior. It could be the soothing effect of the car vibrations, or it could be just just getting your child away from the distractions of the TV, computer, cellphone, iPod, or friends. It could also just be the one-on-one time with them that they appreciate. But it works! To see the amazing effect that taking your child for a car ride and calmly talking to them can have, just scroll down…

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I told you that you wouldn’t regret reading this post! Just to be clear, this post is NOT serious. Do NOT do this at home, or on the road, or anywhere else for that matter.

On this last day of 2008, I encourage you to remember the words of the great turtle guru, who said “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery. But today is a Gift, which is why it is called the Present.”

Happy New Year, and may we all have a great 2009.

I spent a few months as a (part time 2-day-a-week) stay-at-home-dad with my daughter when she was little. I actually tried to be a stay-at-home-and-work-at-home dad, but figured out that’s like trying to mix oil and water. I understand looking at the clock every two or three minutes after 5pm, calculating how long the drive home from work is for ones spouse, and then wondering when they’ll come through the front door. Being a stay-at-home-dad was probably one of the toughest jobs I have ever had. It was also one of the most rewarding jobs, though I think I sometimes missed that point when I was in the thick of it. Anyway, I salute all stay-at-home dads, and well as the more common stay-at-home moms. To those that both stay-at-home AND work-at-home, I double salute you. So without further ado, here is “Stay at Home Dad.”

Since this post seems kind of short, I thought I throw in a plug for the Master of the Philippines, who happens to also be a culinary guru. RT has written a great and informative post on American Goulash. I’m more of a borscht and/or beef stroganoff kind of guy, but I think I’ll try some goulash one of these days. RT also writes extensively on Philippino cuisine (after all, he is the Master of the Philippines), and he also wrote a great and informative post on Chicken and Rice, a Philippino staple. I’m a huge rice fan, and eat a fair amount of chicken. Though I love beef stroganoff, I try to limit my red meat intake, and eat chicken instead. So if you’re in the mood to read about food, check out RT’s posts. Or if you’re a stay-at-home dad and you have dinner duty and you’re wondering what to put on the table, why not consider goulash?

The Trade Show Guru Quiz of the Day
In RT’s American Goulash post, he mentions a 1960’s era Betty Crocker cookbook. I had a “kid version” Betty Crocker cookbook when I was growing up, and enjoyed cooking dinner on occasion. Looking back at it, I don’t know if the rest of my family enjoyed it, or it they were just being polite. Anyway, as a kid, one of my dinner specialties was “Three Men in a Boat“. Does anyone know what it was?

Welcome to the first post in my Joy of Fatherhood series. Last Saturday night, we went to a big 75th birthday celebration for my (step)father-in-law. My mother-in-law did all the planning and preparation. She arranged for a fancy dinner at a fancy adult restaurant, but grandkids (including my six year old daughter and four year old son) were invited. There was to be a four course meal for the adults and a two course meal for the kids. I was a bit skeptical how it would work out, but you know that the first rule of being a good husband is to never question your mother-in-law (all joking aside, I have one of the best mother-in-laws a husband could have, along with an awesome wife).

Anyway, it started at 6pm (which is just 1-1/2hrs before our kids’ bedtime of 7:30) with a one hour appetizers-and-drinks-on-the-patio thing. My kids weren’t fans of the stuffed mushrooms (yum!) but they loved their Shirley Temples. Anyway, we sat down to dinner at 7pm (now 1/2 hour before their usual bedtime) for our second course, a very nice salad (but nothing for the kids yet). My mother-in-law is smart though, and had put a basket of toys and crafts in the middle of the kids’ table. The kids table consisted of our two kids and four other (slightly older) grandkids. It didn’t look like we were off to a good start when my son reached for the basket in the middle and spilled a full glass of water. Still, the kids entertained themselves pretty well until the adults’ dinner came out and the kids’ dinners as well. My son ate a bit, but I could see in his glassy eyes that he was getting tired.

After dinner, the adults (24 of us) kept talking, and my son came over. He was really tired, and I was worried. Anyway, turns out grandma (my mother-in-law) had given him a deck of “Spiderman” Crazy Eights cards (my son is a huge Spiderman fan – Spiderman backpack, Spiderman costume, Spiderman shoes, Spiderman undies… – you get the picture). I sat him in my lap and suggested that we play a card game, but then realized that neither he nor I knew how to play Crazy Eights (and I didn’t want to read the instructions and learn). So I suggested a game of War. It turned out to be the perfect card game for playing with my four year old son. To play, you just split the deck in half and each player flips over a card and the high card wins (and the winner takes both cards). You keep doing it until the cards are used up, and then the person with the most cards wins.

From the beginning, my son started winning… and laughing. This was when I started to hope I would keep losing (the only time in my life I think I have done that). Anyway, my son sat in my lap, and we played at least a half a dozen games (“Let’s play Spiderman War again! OK, dad?”). He won every game, and had the time of his life. I did too. I missed out on all the adult conversation that happened, but I will remember those games of “Spiderman War” for a long, long time. Finally, the cake came out (imagine the flames and heat from 75 candles), and we had cake and ice cream and called it a night. My son was asleep within minutes of getting into his carseat for the ride home. There are times that being a dad just plain rocks!

This new category was inspired in part by three bloggers I follow.

The first blogger is Mitch, who recently wrote the post “How To Be A Prolific Writer“. I doubt I’ll ever be a prolific blogger (this is very much a part-time gig at this point), and certainly not as prolific as Mitch.  Mitch hit the nail on the head in his post when he wrote “don’t niche yourself into a corner” (which is why I write about more than just trade show marketing), and when he wrote “write about something you love” (and I love my kids, no doubt about that). By the way, Mitch has a whole series of Blogging Tips on his site that you should check out.

The second blogger is Rudy, who recently wrote the post “Being Thankful“. It’s a great read, and reminds us to be thankful for what we have, to keep a positive attitude, and see the good in the occasional “bad” situation we find ourselves in. When you’re raising kids, there are plenty of times your kids do something that really makes you roll your eyes, and you can see the glass as half empty or half full. I (try to) see it as half full.

The third blogger is Lin, who recently wrote the post “Mean Mom 101 – Lessons Learned From My Mean Mom“. I mention Lin because she offers great parenting advice on her blog. She’s a traditional parent, as am I. I believe a parent’s first responsibility is to be a parent, not their kid’s friend. Regarding Lin’s post, my dad was a mean dad, I’m a mean dad, and I expect my son to someday be a mean dad.

I’m not trying to imply that fatherhood is all joy. My daughter is in first grade this year, and I think I have her to “thank” for a month long series of colds and coughs that I’ve been suffering through. That subject though belongs in my rants category, and I’m glad I’ve only posted one rant so far (Halloween Trick-or-Treating). I’m trying to keep my rants to a minimum.

Anyway, if you have the time, check out the three bloggers above, and stay tuned for my first Joy of Fatherhood post… “Spiderman War“.