The marketing question I ask is, “Does it matter?” I don’t mean any offense to Sling Baby, and I’m not asking if it matters for the video or the creators of Sling Baby. As I said, it is an awesome, hilarious video, and I am extremely impressed that the video is what I would call national-television-quality. The creators did an amazing job, and could end up winning $1,000,000 and the fame of having had a Super Bowl commercial (if I correctly understand the contest)! But as a marketing method for Doritos to sell more chips, does the video matter? Does it work?

Don’t get me wrong… as I written here before, I love the fact that beer companies (and soda pop, potato chip, and car companies) spend billions on funny TV commercials that entertain me. I love to watch the Super Bowl to see the latest Budweiser commercial (but I drink Sierra Nevada Pale Ale instead of Bud) or to see how over-the-top GoDaddy’s latest commercial will be (but I use 1and1 instead of GoDaddy for domain registration). When it comes to marketing (and trade show marketing), does producing a funny but product-irrelevant ad, commercial, or marketing campaign really result in selling any more product at all, and is it really the best way to spend a marketing budget?

After last year’s Superbowl (when the Green Bay Packers triumphed!) I think I wrote about a funny car commercial that I really liked, but I couldn’t remember what car it was for. Just this month, I’ve seen another TV car commercial (not so funny though) about a guy asking a woman to marry her, and then she thinks about all the things in life she wants to do before she gets married… At the end, I notice they mention the car, and I suppose the car is supposed to help her accomplish these things, but I don’t buy that premise, and in the end the commercial says nothing about why I should pick that particular car instead of a different car.

Back to Sling Baby… Again, it’s a fantastic video, and I appreciate that Doritoes was responsible for it. And I happen to like to eat Doritos. I prefer to eat corn chips instead of potato chips, and if I’m not having salsa, then I like Doritos with their tasty orange coating (whatever it is). So I would buy Doritos if I wanted some, but NOT BECAUSE OF THE COMMERCIAL! I don’t care for Pringles or Ruffles, and if Sling Baby was backed by either of those chip companies, even though I liked the video, I still wouldn’t buy either of those chips.

So in the end, is it good marketing (and a good use of limited marketing dollars) to make an entertaining, funny, or cool commercial that people like, but doesn’t say ANYTHING about why you should actually buy a product or what the benefits of said product are? Personally, I think it has very limited potential that is almost impossible to qualify, and one is better off for marketing and for trade show marketing in specific to focus on your product and why it is a good product, and how it can help or benefit your prospect. I.E. if you’re a car company, focus on gas mileage, safety, towing capacity, or utility, but don’t talk to me about some woman’s pre-marriage bucket list. That said, I’d love to hear your thoughts on what the industry calls “brand recognition” and whether you agree or disagree with me and why…

But again, back to Sling Baby (oh, what a cute baby and clever idea for a funny video). Let me know what you think…
1. Did you like Sling Baby?
2. Do you like Doritos?
3. And, most importantly, are you ANY MORE LIKELY to buy Doritoes the next time you need chips BECAUSE you saw Sling Baby?

Sling Baby - An extremely cute, funny, well-made video!

Finally, don’t forget to vote for Sling Baby (if you liked it), and remember the video is called Sling Baby, and not baby sling, baby slings, or Grandma Slings A Baby.

update: I wrote this post before the Green Bay Packers played the New York Giants. Well, the game is history now and it didn’t turn out the way I expected or hoped for. Bummer. Major Bummer. I guess the “glass is half full” way of looking at it is that now that Green Bay has been upset and is out of the play offs, I will be able to focus more attention on the commercials (including, I hope, Sling Baby) during the Super Bowl. Oh well, there’s always next year for the Packers.

I was working on the zip line out back that I built for my kids and needed a tool out of my tool box. Every good tool box has the basic tools: a hammer, a big screw driver, an adjustable wrench, vice grips, etc, plus enough other tools to make the tool box extremely heavy and difficult to move. But as I was rummaging through my tool box I realized that in addition to the many tools in it, there was also a blog post in it as well, figuratively speaking of course… Looking at the contents of my toolbox, I realized, as any Mr. Fix-It will know, a good toolbox will also have some very important “non-tools”. Here’s my list of the Top Ten Non-Tools for a Tool Box.

The Trade Show Guru’s
Top Ten “Non-Tools” for a Tool Box

1. A roll of duct tape. Duct tape is the ultimate McGyver tool, or non-tool. Very few things can not be fixed if you have a big enough roll of duct tape.

2. Bailing wire. If there is a runner-up for the ultimate McGyver tool, it would have to be a roll of bailing wire. Of course you want to make sure your tool box has a pair of wire cutters also.

3. A can of WD-40 (that isn’t empty).

4. A pocket knife. Preferably an old folding buck knife, passed down thorough at least two generations, with a story behind it. Of course, you also need to carry a pocket knife in your pants, and have one in your junk drawer in the kitchen. You can basically never have too many pocket knives.

5. Superglue. There is a reason it has the word “super” in it. Just be careful not to glue your fingers together.

6. Bandaids. In the event you do glue your fingers together, and then have to cut them apart with your pocket knife (see #4). In the event you run out of bandaids, you can always use a little bit of duct tape (see #1).

7. Cable ties. Nylon cable ties, not the cheap plastic ones.

8. A small bottle of Tri-Flow Superior Lubricant with Teflon. Amazing for fixing squeaky hinges, as well as oiling bicycle chains.

9. A pencil. Preferably the style that can be sharpened with a knife, such as the buck knife (see #5).

10. Several pieces of scrap paper (see #9). Useful for jotting down notes and measurements, as well as that brilliant widget idea that is destined to make you a millionaire.

Four additional bonus “runner up” non-tools:

11. Four or more random keys on a keychain (such as a house key, car key, or bike lock key). It is critical that you have no memory of what any of the keys are for. One day, one of the keys may prove to be critical! Never throw away anything!

12. A combination bottle opener/cork screw… in anticipation of a job well done, or to help you think about how to do a job, it’s important to have the means to open a bottle.

13. Chuck Norris – for those jobs that nothing else can take care of…

14. Condoms -Before you start thinking the condoms are for that, click the link. You learn something new every day.

A big thanks to the good people at the MultiTool Forum that provided suggestions and inspiration for this post, and especially to the Duct Tape Hero there for enlightening me on alternative uses for condoms.

So is there a non-tool that you think should have made my Top Ten Non-Tools for a Tool Box list but didn’t? Leave me comment and let me know.

X X X ~ Zombie Boot Camp (video below) ~ X X X

X X X ~ Zombie Boot Camp (video above) ~ X X X

By the way, my last post was on my Top 20 Chuck Norris sayings. Since then, I’ve found a few more, though I haven’t found any Chuck Norris sayings about zombies, at least not yet. Something tells me the zombies give ol’ Chuck a wide berth…

More Chuck Norris sayings

21. If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and smells like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it’s beef.

22. If you have $5 and Chuck Norris has $5, he has more money than you!

23. Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.

24. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

~

Well, that’s it for now. Stay Frosty, keep your eyes open, keep a necrosledge handy, and keep Chuck Norris’s phone number on speed dial. You never know when you may find a zombie under your bed.

After his movies, Chuck moved onto TV, and made the TV series Walker, Texas Ranger. I’ve just seen snippets of it when I’ve been flipping through the channels, but i have never watched a full episode. If you’d asked me about Chuck Norris, I guess I would have said he’s a two-dimensional tough-guy actor with a beard that should be shaved off… (how many successful actors have beards?)  Little did I know about the real Chuck Norris, the true Chuck Norris, the man, the myth, the legend… the comedian?

I recently come across a quote by Chuck Norris on a forum signature. I thought the quote was hilarious, and I asked the person about. I found out that Chuck Norris has a lot of quotes, and he does a very good and funny job of poking fun at his “tough guy” image. I’ve got to say, I like Chuck Norris now, and maybe I’ll even have to watch an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger… or maybe not. If Chuck ever reads this, I hope he won’t beat me up (for poking fun at his beard – I’ve never had success with beards either). In fact, Chuck, if you’re reading this, I’ve got a beer for you with your name on it, and I’d love to get an autograph for my son.

Here are my Top 20 Chuck Norris quotes (aka Chuck Norris Jokes):

1.  Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.

2.  Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

3.  Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

4.  When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

5.   Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

6.   There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

7.  Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

8.  Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.

9.  Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

10.  When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

11.  Chuck Norris doesn’t go hunting…. CHUCK NORRIS GOES KILLING.

12.  The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.

13.  Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

14.  The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.

15.  Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills people.

16.  The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

17.  There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

18.  There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

19.  Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

20.  When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

~

If I ever need someone to cover my back in a bar brawl (or fend off the trade show zombies), I know who I’ll call… CHUCK NORRIS!

This gives me an idea. Maybe this is new way to promote your trade show exhibit booths… you can send out a pre-show mailer saying, “Show up at my trade show booth, or Chuck Norris will show up at your house.” Or maybe that wouldn’t be such a good idea.

I hope you enjoyed a bit of Chuck Norris humor / Chuck Norris Jokes. Thanks Chuck! I’m keeping that beer for you in the back of the fridge. Stop by any time.

~

chuck norris sayings, wit, wisdom, insights, knowledge, humor, jokes, and quotes by chuck norris, kungfu guru, karate master, the bearded man of steel with fists of dynamite

Anyway, the carrots grew in a large pot in the backyard. We garden in pots and wine barrels as well as the ground because of our gopher problem. I am currently at war with the gophers. I think the gophers have allied themselves with the moles. My gopher traps are catching a lot of dirt. I read Will’s post on trapping gophers, but I’m still catching dirt. However, I did notice something very cool on Will’s post, almost as cool as my Carrot Love art. A comment. A very good comment. The kind of comment that bloggers want. A comment that adds value. The comment was left by GrowMap (aka Internet Strategist). Check out her comment. You should also check out her blog. She recently got a new logo, and wrote a great post about logo design and what makes a logo memorable. It’s one of those posts that makes you wonder, how does a blogger cram this much good content into a single post? If you’re wondering about what makes for a good logo, read her post. And if you want to see what a good comment looks like, read her comment on Will’s post on trapping gophers. Or read some of the comments my readers left on my post about blogging regularity. They are excellent comments as well.

Back to my gopher war for a minute… my neighbor is fighting the same war, with the same results as me (not good). He was telling me that his son-in-law gets gophers with propane. He has a home-built hose contraption hooked up to a bbq propane tank. He sticks the end of the hose into a gopher hole and gasses away. But its not the propane gas that gets the gopher. He then pulls the hose out, and with a long stick with an ignition device on the end, he lights the gas. BOOM. The ground shakes… and the gopher is no more. Supposedly the concussion gets the gopher. What do you think? Have you ever heard of hunting gophers with expoding propane? Would you try it? Just for the record, I’d love to have a truce with our gophers. I’d gladly give them a section of lawn, but not the whole bloody thing. And it’s really when they suck down plants in the garden and threaten to take out the entire thing that I say I just can’t live and let live. I need my fresh, home-grown vegetables…

Feel free to let me know what you think of my Carrot Love carrot art. Or let me know what you think about hunting gophers with propane. Or you can just spam my blog. But if you do decide to spam my blog, read the post and follow my rules. So far only three people have actually followed the rules (I think). I’ve let a few of my regular commenters slide. As to the contest, GrowMap (above) is in the lead. Mitch (who doesn’t actually like gladiators) and oxycontin-loving-JD are tied for second. I’ll say it one more time. Follow the rules. It surprises me how many people don’t read the whole post. I guess they’re too busy leaving comments.

As for me, I have gopher mounds to clean up, and gopher traps to set. I’ve got to protect my carrots. Maybe my carrots will create some more carrot art.

~ veni vidi vici ~

So the “moral” of this post is that sometimes free really is free, and Avast anti-virus is one example. The trade show guru recommends you check out the Avast anti-virus program, and let me know what you think.

He vaguely remembered dying, and and he knew that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered to himself where the road was leading them.

After walking a bit further, the two of them came to a tall white stone wall on one side of the road. The wall looked like it was made of the finest marble. At the top of a long hill, the wall was broken by a tall arch that seemed to glow in the sunlight.

When the man reached the tall arch, he saw through the arch a magnificent gate that looked like mother-of-pearl. A street led to the gate, and the street looked like it was paved with pure gold. He and the dog walked up the street of gold toward the gate. As he got closer, he saw a bearded man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, “Pardon me good sir, can you tell me where we are?”

“This is Heaven,” the gatekeeper answered.

“Oh! Would you happen to have some water, good sir?” the man asked.

“But of course. Come right in. I’ll have some ice water brought right up.”

The gatekeeper gestured, and the magnificent gate began to swing open.

“Can my friend come in, also?” the man asked, gesturing toward his dog.

“I’m sorry,” the gatekeeper replied, “we don’t accept pets.”

The man thought for a moment, and turned back toward the road. He continued walking on down the road with his dog.

After walking much, much further, at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt side road leading to a rusted farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.

He turned and started down the side road. As he approached the open, rusted gate, he saw an old man inside, leaning against a oak tree and reading a book.

“Pardon me, good sir!” he called to the old man. “Might you have any water?”

“Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there. Please come in.”

“How about my friend?” asked the man as he gestured to the dog.

“There should be a bowl by the pump.”

They walked through the rusted gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl right beside it.

The man filled the water bowl and took a long drink, then he gave some to the dog.

When they had both drunk their fill, he and the dog walked back to the old man who was standing by the oak tree.

“What do you call this place?” the man asked..

“This is Heaven,” the old man answered.

“Well, that’s confusing,” the man said. “The gatekeeper down the road said that was Heaven, too.”

“Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That’s Hell,” said the old man.

“Doesn’t it make you mad that they use your name like that?” asked the man.

“No,” replied thel old man. “We’re just happy they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.”

Then last summer (2008) we had the Gap fire, which burned within a stone’s throw of many houses but fortunately didn’t burn any homes. And last November we had the Tea fire, which burned and destroyed 210 homes. And now we’ve just had the Jesusita fire, which should be contained in the next few days, and burned and destroyed about 77 homes.

I mention all this because in both the Gap fire and the Jesusita fire, we packed our car with “valuables” and were prepared to leave at a moments notice if we saw flames. It’s an unpleasant feeling to have about 15 minutes to decide what to grab and then cram in the back of you car, and to think about driving away from your house and perhaps coming back to a smoldering ruin. Having gone through it twice, I’ve had enough, and hope to never go through it again. The experience does remind me though that life is about balance.

So what would you save from your house if you had 15 minutes to pack things into your car and drive away?

Tadpoles: Our tadpoles are doing well. They are not behaving badly. I just thought the post title had a ring to it, but the tadpoles have nothing to do with the Bad Behaviour plugin (discussed next). We’ve had our tadpoles for about four weeks now. We’ve been doing partial water changes and adding more moss on a regular basis, and the little fellas are doing great. A few days ago, they started sprouting their rear legs. As I understand it, the rear legs will grow, and then they’ll sprout their front legs and start breathing air (with their new lungs) instead of water (with their disappearing gills). We’ve got a big rock in and above the water that they’ll be able to climb onto so they don’t drown (which happened to our friend’s tadpoles last year, according to our friend). This is our first time “raising” tadpoles, and I have to say it is fascinating.

Bad Behaviour: About three weeks ago I saw the amount of spam in my Akismet folder really take off. This is a pain because I like to review the Akismet folder for the occasional good comment that gets in there by mistake (false positive?), but I don’t like wading through the stupid spam. Anyway, Bad Behavior blocks “bad people” (ip addresses) from even accessing your blog. So far it has worked wonders. My spam is back down to 1 or 2 every couple of days. I just checked, and Bad Behavior says it has blocked 432 attempts in the last 7 days. I don’t know if any good people are getting blocked, but it seems that my “regulars” are still getting through. Anyway, I highly recommend the Bad Behavior plug in.

And finally, I thought I’d end with a rather humorous performance review I saw for a mister Jim Jones…

Performance Review – Jim Jones

1 Jim Jones, my marketing assistant, can always be found

2 working hard at his desk. He works independently, without

3 wasting company time talking to colleagues. Jim never

4 thinks twice about helping out fellow employees, and always

5 f inishes given assignments on time. He often takes extended

6 measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee

7 breaks. Jim is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no

8 vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound

9 knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Jim can be

10 classed as an asset employee, the type which cannot be

11 dispensed with. Consequently, I recommend that Jim be

12 promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be

13 executed as soon as possible.

Addendum: That idiot (Jim) was standing behind me looking over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.

In any event, I am getting mobbed by spamming zombies.  Most of the spam I get make no sense to me, thought maybe it would make sense to a zombie. Here’s an example. I’ve added dashes to the words I think are questionable (I don’t want any search engines thinking the Trade Show Guru is a “questionable site”, and I’ve also delete links and put brackets around the former anchor text. It amazes me how many links the spammers put in… Anyway, here’s the example.

“Just stopped superior nose tentacles than become the roared thunderous arrow checked [x-a-l-a-t-a-n eye] liked dry and though can fashion searching north make mat heir heads [a-t-i-v-a-n does in long stay system] who never climb onto the strongest ada sailed tempt them lost its [a-c-i-p-h-e-x weight gain] her feet getting hit the stupid those chocolate the upper governing dragon [canada m-e-r-i-d-i-a] man with could travel straight forward voice came thinking process their ears [how v-e-r-m-o-x] works the higher remembered where will unpoison was hooked nose tilted fleeting thought [dr b-r-a-n-d-w-e-i-n] [s-i-l-d-e-n-a-f-i-l pills] she shook the firedrake winged horses pretty and nothing but the second [when ovulate c-l-o-m-i-d] was doomed far away little stream been petite cloud dissipated absolutely solid [f-l-u-m-a-d-i-n-e 100mg] from children with frozen arrow shut good mare older form these flaws [c-l-o-p-i-d-o-g-r-e-l bisulfate] own secrets very young political liaison had she through this haiiy skin [p-s-i-l-o-c-y-b-i-n mushroom growers kit] hey all orceress will achieve the heir bases all must pet dragon [useage e-l-o-c-o-n cream] the dying and your brushing gently took firm whose points this spot [a-t-a-r-a-x 25 mg] had consoled tender flesh longer tentacle raid the best paddler oiph asked [n-o-r-v-a-s-c drug interactions] his creature and joined looked like death…”

The above is only a portion of the comment (about 25%). Where do these spamming zombies come up with this stuff? “Superior nose tentacles?” “Firedrake winged horses?” Does your blog get comments like this???

Tadpoles Update: As I wrote last week, we caught some tadpoles at a nearby stream and brought them home. We decided to see if we can raise them to frogs. I looked on the internet to see what to feed them, and found there’s a wealth of information about tadpoles. But one website cautioned to be “environmental” and not take “too many” so as to not effect the eco-system. Well, we didn’t take that many, but I also have to chuckle because we went back this week to get more algae to feed our tadpoles and found that the original stream bed water hole was no more. It was dried up with only a few buzzing flies, but no more tadpoles. Looks like we actually saved a few of the little fellers! Anyway, we’ll take good care of them, and see what happens…

If only those spamming zombies lived in a water hole that dried up…